Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
