Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
