we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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