Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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