So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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