and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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