my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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