is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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