Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize