I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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