Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
