i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize