Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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