now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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