Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
