i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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