Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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