thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
