ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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