so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
