i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
