her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
