Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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