i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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