Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
