I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
