I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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