I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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