I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
