we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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