420 ftw
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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