have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
