I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
