I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
