my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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