Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i would punch a child for taco bell
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
