Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
