god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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