After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
