There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
