i was born a porn star she said
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Too much gin, very little bucket
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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