We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
