can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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