you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
