I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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