I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
