If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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