When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my being single is dangerous.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize