i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
