with your own penis?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
