Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
