FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
