Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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