"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
