someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
