'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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