I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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