Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
love makes seman taste better
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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