can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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