There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
