I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
