I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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