Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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