If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
