I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
