dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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