Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
