Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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