Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You made out with two different species that night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
