oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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