I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
