That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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