Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
