I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
