69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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