I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize