i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
