Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
