At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
