This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
