i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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