tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
