guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
