Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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