...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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