Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
