Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
