wakey wakey hands off snakey
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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