he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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