Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
