Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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