Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
