Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize