I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
