I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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